The disappointment that is more then the excitement..
It is not the present that counts..
It is the person's present that really counts..
Which many had already disappoint me.

I'm glad that my same usual people turns up..
Really happy that you all was here..

If anyone who really understand me..
Will knows..
Am i really happy about the celebration..?

And now it makes things clearer..
That is, who is the person i can go to..
And who are those that i won't goes to..

Even the most beloved had turn down my 21st birthday celebration..
If you had send message to me..
Telling me you will made it up..
Or saying you will have a belated celebration with me..
Just save the the fuck up..
Cos it never will comes..
Even it will..
Just fcuking save it till on the day of my funeral..
Get that in mind beloved, you will be hated the most..
I don't need your promises..
Just keep it for yourself..

I don't know why i really felt uncomfortable & irritated on that day..
If you people had notice..

The time only started when everyone is gathering around..
Singing the birthday songs..
Seeing everyone's smiling faces..
And when cutting the cake..
Till then i know it is my birthday..

My only birthday wish was:
Wishes my usual friend to find their love & love ones..
I'm more then willing to pay off for staying single-hood life forever..

That is the only part, i remember the most..
Nothing else i could really remember..

Clubbing was never fun for me..
It is the friends meeting me there that bright up my smile..

Going club with a group of my usual friends & friend..
Gave me a thought..
As will it only happened only during my birthday..?
But i think, is just more then enough..

Making myself drunk is not what i wanted..
The one who suffer i know it will still be me..
No one would had seen me that drunk before..
And that will always be the first & last..

I didn't wanted to..
I just can't seem to enjoy myself..
I felt really irritated..
I don't felt myself..
So i just kept drinking..

But i still remember who had came to wish me happy birthday..
And who came as say will meet me in the club..
All this i remember..
I don't know have i tears in the club..

I tears typing each single words here..
I don't know why..
It is really saddening my heart..

I had made my promise on my 21st birthday..
I will leave or be away once after my birthday celebration..
I had made up my mind..
If you had seen me at somewhere..
Just let me go the way i wanted to..
Never to stop me, as i will never stop for you..

Will be using only one number..
Not everyone have it..
Even you do..
Never try calling or sms me..
You will never get what you wanted..
That's my promise..

If you really do treat me as friend..
If you respect me as friend..
Just let me go..

Some day, i will be back..
For how long, i'm not sure..
I can only say, when the time is right..


=Take care all my friends=
The time will come & will prove..

LOVES
Jonathan Ng
16-11-2009
10.45pm

=..HappY 21st Birthday..=



The Birthday that is never in my mind..
So looking forward in my heart..
But seriously really am i..?

ShaDow Loves
14/11/2009

Nothing really comes to my:
Interest..
Concern..
Point of view..
Worry..
Burden..

Or whatever that come to my mind..

I really don't know what is wrong with me..
My mood is just going up or down anytime & anywhere..
A little things would make me so angry that can kills..

A little things include just seeing the faces i really hate..
My mood swing is so power that..
It can swing till i myself also don't know where it goes to..
Many little things could just irritant me..
Sometimes my imagination could run so wild..
Until i'm smiling to myself..

So far i have not caught myself talking to myself..
I know is not healthy, or others might hear you..
I know, at least when i talk to "me" there's always no one around..
Shall not say too much here..

But one thing for sure..
I'm not lying..
I have been hearing voices or noise..
Which is not calling me..
But it is attracting my attention..
Sometimes i din really bother about it..
But sometime it really scare the freak out of myself..

Sometimes i would just stare into the mirror..
Looking at myself..
For how long i'm not sure..
But whenever i see my mouth start to open & close..
I know, i should stop staring in the mirror..
I really don't know is he the one in the mirror i can talk to..
It really confuse me most of the time..

I got no one that i really want to go to..
Is not that there's nobody i can go to..
And i don't know why i got so concern..
When the fcuking things is none of my concern..

Am i falling into depression..
But
I really got to surrender..
I'm falling into loneliness..

But i just love my life now..
Nothing to commit..
Nothing to concern..
Nothing to give or gain..

Moreover i had made my promise to himself..
I'm so gonna stay single..
I won't let relationships attack me once again..

Anyway just one more week to my 21st birthday..
It din really get me excited..
It just kind of irritant me..
Shall not say so much..

To the world, just STFU-PLS
JONATHAN OR ShaDow
He shall decide..
08/11/2009

It been some time since i update..
Always wanted to, but when log in to blogger..
I just simply log out..

There is always good & bad i guess..
But i always got attacked by the bad..
My anger nowadays always turn me to be upset..
I got upset real fast..
What i could do was, go to my bed & sleep..

It doesn't make me feels any better..
Each day i got upset, i just went to sleep..
Each day i'm tired, i went to sleep too..

So everyday i'm just tired of been upset..

Work doesn't stress me anymore..
People are the one concerning..
But now it don't come to my concern anymore..
Sometime i really felt bad treating them in another way..
After talking to my manager, i got her point..
And she told me a lot too..
Yes, i think she is right..
What for getting so angry & upset for..
It doesn't paid off..
So just don't bother..
When the time comes, then they will get what they deserve..

But i still can't simply put a smile on my face..
Whenever i try, i just look fake..
So i would rather not..
Time would build up i hope..

I had really learn alot..
Just by observing..
Why people tend not to bother..
Why people could still smile when in the wrong..
There is still lots of why..

Simply for just one reason..
And that is why..

Shall stop here..

By the way, i had quit SMOKING~~!!
No JOKE~~!!
Will update again..

ShaDow
141009

Seeing everyone's blog stated 10th of Aug..
&
So is the time i should update my blog too..

Spent my national day eve with JJ Laopo & Briano..
Met Kimo and groups at bugis..
It somehow low down my mood..
Cos i know, i'm just been anti-social..
Wanted to join them for some steamboat..
But didn't feel so good..
So i call JJ laopo..
And he came down to meet me..
We had our dinner at soupspoon..
JJ Laopo order the same dish as we first had there..
And is really nice..
Mood was build up..

After which briano came..
And bla bla bla..
Nothing for good...
OR..
Good for nothing..

Took cab to CV to meet Wellness laopo..
As we going to Nicky's birthday chalet..
Was a last minute chalet..
But since we had nothing on, going there was fine too..
Sitting there, chit-chatting was our usual routine..
And and gossiping was our usual self..
Was hungry and wellness laopo as usual cook for us..
I love the chicken he had cook..
And i ate about 5, if i'm to wrong..
We slack there till 5 plus as JJ laopo was playing Majong..
So we just self entertain there..
Until when he finish his majong..
Then we decided to leave the chalet as JJ laopo is hungry..

And on national day i spent my whole day with JJ laopo..
We had our lunch together & leave home..
We went shopping..
We both spent quite a lot..
And we watched the fireworks together..
That was the first lovely & sweet national day i had with JJ laopo..

As for today..
Was the sleep as you want day..
Cos i slept almost the whole day..
And there's nothing for today...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The piano sound that caught my ears..
The music that got my attention..
The voice that melted my heart..

The sweet dreams that i had..

But no it is not..
When i open both my eyes..
The sound of the piano, the music and the voice was still there..
And it was you who is playing the piano..
The song from the piano was so good that it brought me to sleep again..
And the voice that really melted my heart woke me up..
Water was collecting in my eyes..
My heart started to ache..
And tears started to fall..

When i close my eyes, the voice was still there..
It really melts my heart seeing you playing the piano..
Not any guys that played the piano would let me have this feeling..

I would give you time to change..
I would wait for you to be changed..
I would do anything to just wait for you to be back..

I know that day will surely arrive..
I don't ask for much changes..
I just want you to be you that is who i like..
I don't care how long it take..
Month or years..
I will still be here waiting..
I know that you won't be able to contact me..
I'm fine with it..
I don't ask for more..
I just want you to be back soon safely..

Cos i misses your voice..
Misses your song..
And misses the one who is playing the piano next to your bed..
And you're the one who i miss..

..AloNelYnEsS..
..ShaDow..
..10th Aug 2009..
..Waiting For Your Return..
An Jie
..You're the one, i'm waiting for..

It been really awhile..
Since i was lost in the internet world..
Dreaming was what i always did..
Hiding myself from everyone..
And..
Hiding my emotion from Mary & my dad..
Was a real difficult task..

Working for a month..
It didn't really bring me the enjoyment..
It brought me with stress and unhappiness..

Trying to be socialize..
I found myself being more & more anti-social towards everyone..
And towards myself..
To my own department colleague..
I can swear that every sentence..
Is not more then ten words..
Unless it is work matters..
And to other department..
Not a single words was even spoken to..

Sometime i don't really understand why people have to talk behind others back..
If they have the guts to talk behind others back..
Why not have alittle more guts to talk infront of that others..

I know that God had given a mouth for everyone..
To eat, to talk & suck cock..
Then why not just talk infront then..
Sometime i really felt like giving them a real tight slap..
But i believe that my hands is not worth slapping them..
Is more worth on jerking off..
I really do have the urge to tape their mouth with masking tape..
I know that's kinky, so i did not even try..

Had not been happy since the day i had work..
Been alone was just part of my full time job..
Everything had changed..
I do envy my life in the past..
Making friends was never bothering me in the past..
I do regret sometimes..
But i know that i was never wrong in this path..

At home was another task for me again..
I can't express my emotion..
No matter how unhappy or sad i am..
I will just say that, i'm fine..
I know Mary & dad do really care..
But i just don't want to upset them..
And now that i know how hard their times was to provide us for everything..
And because of that i promise myself not to break their heart..
And stay on to the job..
I do have the urge to leave the job..
And i know i can't..

I do break into tears at times..
But who knows about it..
Only myself..
Once again, i had keep every single thing to myself..
It is really hard, if anyone understand what i'm trying to say..

And the day, you came to me..
Telling me not to leave you..
You will always be by my side..
You asked me to promise you..
Promise you, not to keep everything to myself..
And i did..
You was always by my side..
I felt the warm & love from you..
I had never expected this to happen..
We had all our meal together everyday..
When i wanted to tell you, i love you..
I open my eyes and is time to wake up for work..
I really broke into tears at that time..

And it really bring my day down to everything..
Totally had no mood to work..
But because of some reason, i still have to..

It been really hard for me..
Countless of breaking in tears..
Uncontrolled emotion..
Alonelyness was what i'm facing..
Nothing matters as much as you..
Nothing makes me cares much..
Nothing was bothering..
Because nothing was done..

Stopping here might be good for me..
It might be a breaking down point..
It doesn't matters if i had climb out from the breaking point..
It might be a point for me to keep dreaming..

..Alonelynes$..
..ShaDoW..
..030809..

The mask i used to wear..

I'm going to wear it again..

Concealing myself was never a difficult task..
It is just as easy as natural..
Is never too hard & always easy..

People who knows me well, i guess you all had notice it..
I don't know why people call me "dao"..
When i'm just concealing myself..
Never been plastic nor drama when i conceal..

When i din answer you doesn't mean i'm "dao"..
Cos i just din hear you..

When i don even bother to look at you..
Den you could just ignore me..
Is either you had made me feel disgusted or irritating..
Or maybe disappointed..

I always have my point by doing things..
I don't do things that i don't like & i do things that i like..
And of cos it apply to all..

I guess no one knows what i'm trying to say..
Cos i don't know it too..

Stress, disappointment, job & money have all come to an issue to me..
I don't know, really don't know what the shit have i done..
I had do this & do that just to improve myself..
But all the hopes that i had put in, i guess it is just empty..

I had given up a little..
& had given up on all the hopes i had..

I had try all ways & everything that i could..
But i don't know what had gone wrong..

I'm not going to cares whoever comes & goes..
Whoever wish to come just come as you want..
Whoever wish to go make sure you bring back every shit you had done before you go..

Everyone is imperfect..
I just wanted to add a little perfect to everyone to make them all perfect..
And i think that's the biggest shit that i had done wrong..

No matter what i'm not gonna feel sad about "them"..
Talk to me as you want..
Hug me as you want..
Who the shit you think i am..

Next time when you see me..
I don't think i will even look into you..

Just
FCUK OFF
YOURSELF

If you're clever enough..
But i think is hard for you all..
As you all are so looking forward to get the *STAR* Award for yourself..
So i guess it will be real hard..

So i think i should not blog much..
Is time for me to rehearse..
Cos everyone including me is selfish..



You all can say whatever you like.
Its your mouth, I wont restrict ur freedom.
People believes u cos of your 'innocent-looking' MASK that u wear
& the naive act that u play.
It's okay, coz i portrays my Genuine-self.
The truth will eventually come to light one day.
Oh ya, beware of rotting maggots in your mouth at nite.
Maybe they taste sweet?

ShaDow & we3

Emotion BreakDown

Who can lead the way for me..
Who can hold onto me and bring me through..
Who could be there to help me till i really make it..

Just A Loser..
Leave me alone, when i say..
Leave Me Alone..

ShaDow & w3E

I think, i really needed some time to clam myself down..

Interview today was quite smooth..
This was the first time I'm having much confident in myself..

Darlin boi went with me..
And i'm sorry to had let you waited for so long..
After which we went to far east plaza..
Darlin boi went to get his gucci pouch..
We went for our lunch at pizza hut..
As i had long for pizza hut..
Darlin boi got for me a polo t-shirt..
And we wanted to go for shopping again..
But caicai kept rushing me..
So went to meet them..
When darlin boi left, i message him..
I told him, i'm very happy but don't know why..

Met caicai & co at Chinese garden..
Heading our ways to jurong swimming pool..
But damn it, is temp close..
So we head to clementi pool..
Had lots of fun there..
Enjoyed myself with them..

We had plan for tomorrow which is later..
Plan to go JB & enjoy ourselves..
Was really looking forward to it..

When going back..
I saw two missed call from my dad..
Was wondering why he called..
As i had told him i'm going out..
Before i call my dad..
I saw the message in my the other phone from my sis..
Telling me grandma had passed away..

I was just too damn shock to even react..
That was too sudden, i had not even prepared for it..
Mary had always ask me to go along with them to see grandma..
But as always i can't get to wake up early..
And one fine day i finally went down with them..
My tears almost roll down from my eyes..
Seeing grandma had lost lots of weight..
And she can't even eat..
At that time my heart really ache..
And that was the only time i went to see her..
Even though she cant talk..
But she knows that i was there..

I was just controlling myself..
Tears only start falling from my eyes when i'm typing all this..
When young grandma really dote on all of us..
But as time goes by..
I think people from my aunt side had really broke her heart..
Regarding all of my grandma saving..
I wish people who had taken her money will suffer ten time even worst..
My aunt should be shaking legs happily at home ba..
That was her wish telling everyone why she still live till so old..
Faster leave and they won't be having much trouble..
Telling everyone was fine..
But she was telling everyone on the very first fucking day of CNY..
And was infront of my grandma..
How i wish tomorrow funeral was her in the picture..
So i could enjoy myself in JB..
I believed what come around goes around..
Your two son soon will be repaying everything to you..
Just prepare to received it ba...

This is the one and only picture i had with my grandma..
If we had not taken this picture..
I wonder how am i going to have one out..


蓝色的街灯
明灭在街头
独自对窗
凝望月色
星星在闪耀
我在流泪
没人知道我

突然发现站了好久
不知道要往哪走
再多人陪只会更寂寞
好多好多的话想对你说

Rest in peace ah ma.. u'll always be loved n remembered by me in my heart forever..

16-04-2009
The day that i don't want it to be..

The week that pass..
I had enjoyed myself
Well, things changes a little..
As i know, nothing would always remain the same..

Met my darling boi..
Things clicks quite well..
Had our movie..
Slacking around at town..
And met up with weiwen..
We went to had tuo huay..
And headed back home..

Went club as usual..
Ah lian was drunk..
And waited for ah lian to wake up..
If not no one can drive, haha
Don't drink so much le la hor..
Why let yourself suffer while he is enjoying life out there..

And today was nuan-ing the whole day at home..
I need to catch up with my sleeping..
That all ya..


ShaDow & Wee...
Opps..
Muack c:

It been so long since i had update my blog..
My last post was on valentine day..
Well i had really enjoyed my days with Laopo..
Was not home for more then a week..

We went for shows, club and doing praying thingys..
I had learn a lot from it..
I had seen too much..
Now that i understand what he had been always telling me..

And i know who is good & whose not..
Whatever good or bad i had to accept it..
Is really time to talk less & listen more..

Now i could tell who are real & who are not..
Slowly is time for me to put those so called not real into my recycle bin..
Is no use keeping them..

Is really so easy for you to say whatever you wanted to..
But it is always so difficult to forget what others had said..

The true concern, i know are from who..
And those "concern" thus i guess you can just save your breathe..

Sometimes i guess, i'm just a good liar..
Cos even friend that i called friend don't have the trust in me..
I told you tomorrow we still have to do it..
And yet you can call me..
&
Fucking first things from your fucking mouth was:
Today really still doing..
I swear, if i could put my hand into the phone..
I would give you some tight slap..
I wish i could only..

Maybe i had really joke too much..
Shall i just take my mask off my face..
Being not me was a real hard task for me..

I should look at everything with a different angle now..
Regarding good or bad..
I really hate knowing so much of things..
&
I hate hearing things that i don't know too..

I just wanted to be in the dark forever..
Knowing so much doesn't make me to be the king or queen..
It only worsen me..
I just want to live in my own heaven..
I know it is just too silly of me..

=
Is so easy for me to just change my name..
But it is really hard for me to change myself..
Finding the masterpiece of myself
ShaDow

Lost in the mirror..
I no longer see myself..
Been attacked down..
I had surrender to myself..
The game is over..


All i have to do is to forget how much i love him..
All i have to do is to put my love one side..
Tell myself is over..

Is easy..
I try to forget how much i love him..
In my dreams..
Slowly it disappear..
I cannot forget..
Tell me it was not real..

Nothing is like what i say..
My heart will never stop..

For now..
All i have to do is pretend i never knew you..
The little things that happen..
It stab into my heart..
Is not going to be real..

Trying hard to forget..
It just broke me into tears..
Acting strong..
It just bring myself down..

It was never easy to act..
It was never easy to be strong..

Ever since it happened..
I knew it..
I knew it all along..

It was never me..
It was never me you once had..

Too many..
Too many of it just bring me heartache..

I look into your eyes..
It makes me go round my mind..
Too lost in myself..
I had no longer know who myself is..

Losing my mind..
I don't know what i'm doing..
I'm going weak..
And had put in the wrong feeling..

I knew what i'm doing..
But i really don't know what i'm thinking..

If love could means everything..
I think, i will not be living in my own shadow..

I like my life now..
But i love my life before..

If you had heard of it..
Will it remind you of it..

Living alone now..
Thinking of what i had..
Is just a shell i had..
Living in it, is gave me secure..
But nevertheless it had never given what i wanted..

Keep holding on to it..
I know, i was just living in lies everyday..
I had never ask..

It don't seem important anymore..
I had never felt this way before..
Everything i do is just for you..
Do you see how much i need you right now..
I bet, i was just dreaming..

A thousand dreams i still believed..
I know, i still have to live in reality..
I had never thought of running away from you..
Cos i was just running away from myself..

Every night is getting longer..
I can't get myself to sleep..
I had surrender everything..
I wish to you, i know it can't feel it..

Everything that i had say now..
It won't be counted in it anymore..

Right here, right now..
I had given up..
I surrender myself..
Love was never for me..
There was so much in life..
I can't find a way to have my lovable path..

Let it all be ended here..



This is the only door left for me..
Let me in, and live in the shadow of myself..
The reality that i can't face..

If you all had ever notice with the pictures..

..ShaDow..
..SURRENDER..
>>THE REALITY THAT WAS NEVER REAL<<


那是才开始认识你的日子
我重复想着简讯里写的句子
假如你是我等待的爱情故事
我希望每页都有你的名字
两个人陌生认识爱
不是个孤独的字
有些话想几千次
对你想说些什么
但是我没办法解释
爱是个有你才完美的故事
我们从以前走到永远为止
因为你有一种很单纯的样子所以让明天忽然那么真实

Is the begining of a new year..
And Chinese new Year had seem to be over..

Day before went over to Play..
Standing at the dance floor for 3 hours..
Seeing people enjoying..
But i just can't seem to find the enjoyment..
Seeing people with their love ones..
Standing there, i really don't know what i'm doing nor what i'm thinking..
Some asked am i ok, some asked what happened..
I just told them nothing, i'm just tired..
The enjoyment seems no longer found in that place i used to have..

Went over to my grandma house the first day of new year..
It just seem like the people there i no longer know them..
It was a totally bored day on the first day of new year..

Went over to Jojo & Larry house on the second day..
People like Eugene, Alvin, Kelvin, Terence & some others was there too..
It was quite enjoying but it somehow bring my mood down too..
Was kind of bored sitting alone..
So i joined them playing blackjack or whatever it is called..
Seriously said i know nothing about it..
Thanks to Eugene baobao & Alvin di for helping me..
Not that bad, at least i had won about 20$
Did enjoyed a little.
But seeing "something"..
I felt quite disappointed..
But is ok, trying hard not to spoiled it..

After all, i realize that is not me..

Was waiting for some answer..
But is alright now..

Weiwen did came down to Larry house..
But he was too shy to go into Larry house.. (i don't know why)
So we went over to the playground..
Had quite a long chat..
Talking bout "things" and so & so..
About 5am plus he send me home..
Since he stayed in the west too..
Reached home, online awhile & went to bed..

I thought..
As i always thought..

I guess it doesn't matter at all..

12th Dec 2008..
Is finally the day i collected back my NRIC..
Well, is nothing really special to me..
Cos no one shared the joy with me..
Is just the suffering that i had for the 2 years..
Yes, my job was really easy..
But behind every fairly tales no one knows..
I will never miss the people there..
I will never miss the place there..
There's never a memorable things for me..
Only one could understand how i'm feeling..
Last of all there's nothing more i should bother anymore..
And is time for me to say
ORD LOH!!!

Now is the time to face everything outside..
I regret for not doing what i should had done earlier..
I can't blame anyone, is the laziness in me..
Crying now, i know is still not too late..
But for what i know everything is just too rush..

I felt a little lost..
Trying to find my way..
And is getting dark..
I know everything is just too late for me to..

Humans are just too hard for me to handle..
I don't know when to be serious..
When you all think that i'm joking..
I don't know when to be real..
When you all think that i'm being plastic..
I don't know when to let out my words..
When you all think that i'm only talking to myself..
I don't know when to tell the truth..
When you all think that i'm playing around..

It really make me wondering..
Why must it be like this..
Why things like this could happened..
Why must there be a spoiler..
Why are there people being out there to spoil things..
And why are people there to be the good & the bad..

Is really so hard for me to express myself..
I had really thought of telling out..
But the action it gave out of really a disappointed one..
So i might as well take it as talking to myself..

Well i think wearing the mask that cover the truth..
Still suits me the best..

The day that i had really enjoyed myself..
Your smile & everything..
Is enough to cover everything of my heart..
13th Dec 2008

&
I just wanted to live in my own ShaDow..
No one could stop me from that
15th Dec 2008

I really don't know what's wrong with me..
I guess, i should take some long rest before i could continue..

I wanted to feel different..
But i felt even worst..

I try to be strong..
But mentally, i broke down..

I'm happy..
But i don't felt contented..

I think out of the box..
But i felt being too sensitive..

I felt lonely..
With people around i felt alone..

I had thrown all the past away..
But history still remind me of it..

I had open my heart..
But i felt myself living alone..

I wanted to shout out everything in my heart..
But it is left unheard..

I try writing it out..
But it is not what i wanted to say out..

I keep holding on to it..
But things around are attacking me..

I closed my eyes and felt that you're there..
But you're not seen around..

I will hold you in my arm & take the pain away..
I will do anything that could let you be happy..

Settle down is what came to my mind..
(But is that a childish thought from me..?)
I laugh at people when they told me that they wanted to settle down..
It kills me when i have the thought of settling down..
I think is really time for me to have a good thought about it..

I want to have my own house..
I want to have my own car..
I want to have my own career..
I want to have everything on my own..

Last of all i want someone who could settle down with me..
&
Share all the things that i own..

Afterall, what i needed is just someone..
That someone who will be always by my side..

Guess i gonna put in more effort..
More effort in not doing anything..

Was busy for the past two days..
Preparing stuff & food for the steamboat at my house..
It was really tough..
Painkillers don't really works anymore..

But overall the effort was worth it..

Oh ya..
I got items to sell..

Nah just kidding, was the present i had..

Sins chocolate.. WARNING - It will cause addiction..
From jojo, Aaron & Stanley..
From kelvin, kiro, terrence & sliver..
From Kazaf & Suan Gan - Sad that they did not turn up..
And asked some look alike people to give me..
Hahah~~~~
From Briano Sim P S ( I spelled correctly okie) Eugene, Eugenia & Jason

& a Club 21 voucher from sebastian Ng & Gary..

& also not forgetting the HandPhone from Nanda..

Last but not least a birthday cake from andy Ho...

Birthday is round the corner..
Having a birthday celebration..
Having the thought to cancel the birthday plan..
I know is still not too late to cancel..
Felt really disappointed over it..
I put in all the effort planning over it..
Sending messages informing you all..

I'm really glad some of you replied my message..
Saying they will be here..
People like: Kazaf, kelvin Baobao & kiimo..

&

I was afraid you all didn't received my message..
So i asked each & every single person that i had invited on msn..
Yes, you all did received..
At that moment i felt quite stupid..

And people like you, i asked if you received the message..
You told me yes..
But you told me you can't come, cos you got no off day..
It stab into my heart once again..
If i didn't asked you in msn..
That's mean you are not turning up without me knowing..

I felt like an idiot..
It wasted my 5 CENTS on messaging you..
Yes, i know is just a 5 CENT..
BUT that 5 CENT just don't worth bloody messaging this kind of fucker..

I only invited those people that i'm closer to..
But i din expect this to happened too..

For fuck sick..
If you all want to come den come..
If not then forget it..

I'm not gonna bother about it..
It only hurts me more when i really care about it..

I will be sorry if you all received another message..
Saying that the celebration is cancel..


ShaDow Sheded tears..

I don't mind singing myself a birthday song..
That will be the last birthday i'm celebrating..

"The true colour that you people are giving is
even scarier then anyone have ever thought of.. "

I swear upon myself..
I will just take you all as nothing in my life anymore after the celebration..
I shall make a move to where i belong..

11 days to my birthday..
I don't know what i want..
I don't know how am i going to celebrate it..
Yes, i'm having a plan but will i enjoy myself..
Will the people i'm inviting being true to me..
Will they know what i really want..
I guess not, cos i still don't know what i really wanted..

40 days to ORD..
It seems like i had been waiting for years..
I'm not excited about it..
Cos i still have to step into camp..
I don't know why, the moment i step into camp..
Is just like i'm leaving my soul outside..
Being soul-less in camp, is really hard for me..
I almost cried the fcuk out today..
But thanks i didn't..
I don know how am i gonna spent the rest of days in camp..
The eyes that is looking at me..
The mouth that is saying me..
The arrow that is shooting at me..
Is really so hard for me to take it..
Who could share it with me..
No one..

Guess the only day i could enjoy is during weekends..
But, did i really enjoy..
No, is what i could say..
Why, people are just telling me this and they are doing that..
People only message me asking me am i going to club..
Because they are fcuking alone there..
People asking me where am i..
When they are enjoying their ass & found themselves alone..
Why are my friends like that..
Are they really my friends..
I received your message asking where am i..
But sad to say i told you i didn't received..
Why do i have to say that..
Because i had no longer treated you as a friends..

Why are there people in my group that really make me felt disgusted..
Why must you attract those attention..
Because you're good looking..( i don think so)
Because you dance so well at the dance floor that everyone was looking..
( i tot your whole body cramp)
Your english or chinese is very pro..
(Yes it is that sometime i don even understand)
If you're a TOP, den please act like one..
Cos to me,
You're just DECLARING yourself BOTTOM to everyone..
If i'm the only one who say it den maybe is because i'm fcuking jealous..
But sorry to say that.. Cos EVERYONE is saying it..
Just try me a few feel more time..
You shall see what fcuking surprise you gonna get it from me..

I'm dancing in my life..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm gonna fly so high..
I'm gonna reach the sky..
I'm gonna be a star..
I'm gonna make you believed in me..
I'm gonna make myself yours..

I'm gonna give you more..
I'm gonna give my everything to you..
Just because i love you _CMX...
050908
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~

Had been feeling down recently..
Everything that i had seen, seem to disappoint me so much..
I'm just a normal person, why can't i be like some of the people i know..
Is not that i'm having three eyes or eight legs..

Yes, i know i am who i am..
But i don't know why, is really hurting me so much..
Sometime i really don't know to be happy or not to be..
I know, i had got you by my side..
But i just don't know why

Living my days without knowing what i actually wants..
Sleeping all my time to avoid everything..

Trying to be stronger..
It looked so plastic in me..

Promises..
Many promises had come into my mind..
The promises i had made..
&
The promises others had made to me..
It seems that till now nothing, not a single one had actually came to me..

Been isolating myself..
I start talking to myself..
I smile at anything..
I on the radio to the Malay channel..
I always pull a empty chair next to me, so that i don't feel lonely..

After all i just don't know what i'm doing..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Somehow, somehow rather you had come to my mind..
And i seriously miss you..

&

To you & him, hope you all are doing fine..
Be more faithful..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It been days since i update my blog
Went for chalet from friday till today just reach home..
My two laopo-sss were there..
And alex came later..
It was Rose chalet..

It was a real fun chalet..
And we miss our clubbing..Lol
Well i rather to enjoy in the chalet then clubbing..

People that are call friends did call me..
But call me for not the reason of asking me out or what..
Asking where am i, got any idea to sign them in in whatever shit things..
I'm glad that you message me, but too bad can't join you..
And towards some people was really glad..
Cos you all wanted to come down after club to find me..
But, never be too happy first was always right..
From what time you all called me and say was coming down..
And till what time..
I called how many time, and what's all the shit things you had say..
And at last..
What was the last fucking message i received..
I force myself not to sleep just to wait for you all..
I even got myself out of bed just in case i fallen asleep..
This is what i always get..
PLEASE, please people i appreciate those shit you all are doing..
BUT JUST DON FUCKING WASTE MY TIME...

How many sorry you had said..
And you told me why are you always the one who kept saying sorry..
And between friends why must there be sorry here and there..

Let me fucking tell you..
It is not about the sorry that matter..
If you can't make a promised then u fucking don't..
If you're those kind of people who always have last min changes..
Den you just fucking fuck yourself off..
Why must you tell people you're coming and end up with the fucking shit..

Story and story..
If you're not sick of it..
Let me tell you, i'm fucking sick for it..

Sometimes i don't really know to believed you all or not to..
Cos you all had never let me put my trust into you all..

Well just forget it..

At the chalet, people who we don't know..
I find them more friendly then people who are call friends..
And at the chalet, Rose had given some prizes..
I think it really says out why she wants to give out those prizes..

Cos i was there..
I had my eyes to see..
Unlike in my reality, people are been so drama..
From one story it can passed to many..
Is alright to pass around..
But for sure, there's people there to always be the editor..
Changes the whole story..

Why must it always be like this..

Why can't my own friends be like them..
Why people that we don't know, always tend to be nicer and more friendly..
What i mean they tend to be nice..
There's no motive in them, i can say so..
Because not only i say that..

Is not always that i must be nice to you because i need your help..
And yes i can fucking say it the people in my reality are like this..



I'm not pin-pointing anyone in my post here..
Please don't feel been offended..
But if you all do, i don't really care..

Cos whatever i had say here is not my make up story..
You want to know that person feel free to fucking ask me..
And i will for sure fucking tell you..

Afterall, i'm fine with it..
Cos you people are just repeating those things..
The hurt in my heart had been numb..
You think i'm going to bother so much again..

For what i know is, i just fucking enjoyed my 3 days 2 night stay in the chalet..
Had no regret for going..
I don't need any reality peoples in my life..
Just one or two who really care for me will do..

So far in this circle there's only one who really care for me..
And a few who will always be there for me when i needed them..

The others, well is just a waste that "mediaCOCK" didn't take you all in..

I'm tired..
Tired of all those "Free Show"
Is time to have a good rest..

Needed help, you all came to me..
What i can help in, i will..
But when things happened, you all came to me again..
As the same, i will help in what i can..
And when everything is gone..
I'm just nothing to you all..

Thanks to you all who make me who i am now..

Every moments are just like a un-blown balloon..
When the happy moments arrived..
The balloon will be blown up..
And as we tie up the balloon it seems so beautiful..
And all the happy moments are inside..
Time & days passed by..
The balloon turn smaller & smaller..
After which is will became just like the un-blown balloon..

It is gone, is gone..
It is broken, is never new..

I really don't know..
In this life what had i really done to anyone..

Why must i put myself into so many people's shoe..
Is not that i had own you all anything..
And that's why i'm pleasing you all for the fuck shit i had done..

My group of people had been changing & changing the moment i had step in..
And after so long i thought my little group could settle down..
Since we are been together for so long..
Slap me hard, cos i was wrong then..
Till lately i had realize even without me "it" could enjoy "itself"..
Why i say "IT" & "ITSELF" cos it are for animal..
At least you all still stand for some value..

Well for some "it" after been attach..
What are we..?
And after been detach..
You came back again..
Even asking you out when you're attach still have to see your the other half..
When you had been detach..
Turn out to be you asking me out..

Why..??
Why, i ask god why are my friends like that..
Why are they worst then those "chicken" standing & waiting at geyland..
At least they earn for themselves..
What about you all..

For all this why i fucking dare to say..
Ask yourself..
Ever since i'm fucking attach..
When had i ever or when on that fucking day..
I had told you all i won't meet you all because of my the other half..
When your the other half had something on & you join us..
Do i fucking look like a replacement to you all..

After so much i had done..
I'm still been misunderstand by people..
Treating people good seem to have motive to you all..
So you all are telling me that why your mum raise you all up..
So that once you all fucking grow up..
And when your mum fucking needs SEX..
She can just pull you over for sex..??
Is that what you all mean..

Whatever it is..
Just whatever..

I'm fucking sorry..
Fucking sorry for been such a fucker friends to you..
If you are fucking good go fuck everyone around you then..

Well will be away for the time being..
Since this time i really had the excuse that life had brought to me..

Take care fuckers...
Sorry i mean peoples..
Sounds the same..

ShaDow"s LoVe o5o9o8

I want your love & would gave my love to you..
I want your care & would gave my care to you too..

Let me melt into your voice once again..
Let me smile with your laughter..

I want your everything..
And i would give my anything to you..

I can tolerate your little time for me..
I can tolerate your little care for me..
I can tolerate your everything..

I can tolerate your love that is not enough for me..

But i just can't tolerate after doing so much, he gets everything & nothing i had got..

Don't say sorry, cos i'm not the one who you wanted..
Don't hug me and you think of him..

My tears once for you is bitterly shed..
My heart for you had gone to him..

I think he's more serious then you in me..
You asked me to leave him..
And you went with your him..

You asked me not to let him stay at my house..
And i found out that you actually when to your "him" house..

You made me felt like a replacement..
But he made me felt more worthily..

You don't felt like saying then don't say it..
You don't have to explain to me..

For one lie you had made..
You need another lie to cover the first lie..
And it continue..

Lie, Lies & Liar..
And den you lie on bed with him..
And you start to lay with him..

And you fucking liar comes to me and start lying to me.......

But i still have to thanks you alots..

Because of you..
I had look into him..

Because of you
I had found the love from him and not you..

Because of you..
I cried so badly and the hug i had is from him..

And for you..

Because of me..
You FUCK him hard into his ass..
"Cos never in my life anyone could enter my ass only he's ready for you"

Because of me..
Your everything still goes to him..
"Cos he got the ass ready for you"

That's it...

Since you had a READY ASS WAITING for you anytime..
Go ahead then..FUCK HIM, FUCK HIM - GO FUCK HIM THEN..

I had him now is enough..

REPLACEMENT NO MORE..
My love to you had stepped back..

ShaDow
My love for you is nearer..

I seriously dont know what is happening to me..
The moment i open my blog, i start to tears..
That's why i had not been updating..

Something seems to be missing in my heart..
But never to my heart know whats missing..
I felt terrible & lost..
Lost at the place whereby i don't know what's missing..

Have been real down this week..
I tear the moment i listen to the song in my blog..
How i wish, just how i wish..
But never in life that wish would be granted..
I know it myself..

I have put all the blame to myself..
And i know it is fucking impossible..
Why, why do i still fucking care so much..

Will this gonna be another chapter of my life..
I don't want to be alone..
It make me feel lonely..
Too many people around..
It make me felt the loneliness too..

The injected pain is really killing me..
Somehow at somewhere i could smell you..
But right now and right here..
Everything faded..

The reality that i'm trying to face..
The injected pain that i'm trying to face..
The missing feeling that i'm trying to face..

One is fucking enough to shot me down..

I often close my eyes
And I can see you smile
You reach out for my hand
And I'm woken from my dream
Although your heart is mine
Its hollow inside
I never had your love
And I never will

And every night
I lie awake
Thinking maybe you love me
Like I've always loved you
But how can you love me
Like I loved you when
You can't even look me straight in my eyes

I've never felt this way
To be so in love
To have someone there
Yet feel so alone
Aren't you supposed to be
The one to wipe my tears
The one to say that you would never leave

The waters calm and still
My reflection is there
I see you holding me
But then you disappear
All that is left of you
Is a memory
On that only, exists in my dreams

I don't know what hurts you
But I can feel it too
And it just hurts so much
To know that I can't do a thing
And deep down in my heart
Somehow I just know
That no matter what
I'll always love you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love you is without any motive..
Love me is with your heart..
Why must we care what others had said..
Believed the person who love me won't lie to me..
For you i gave up everything..
Fate had tell everything is impossible..
Only when you're gone and i felt the pain..

I can't, i really can't..
Love you so much, so much..
And gave you to others..

Fate still stands between us..
Only when i woke up & realize everything was a dream..

With my bloody eyes open wide enough..
Seeing you went over & love others..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I tell myself that's reality..
And i got slap by his words..
You told me you will be by my side every moments since the day..
Yes, you're always there..
But you really don't know what i wanted..

Seeing your loves one, loving someone else..
Isn't it sweet..
It just reminds me of everything..

The question you had asked me..
I am still thinking about it..
Will you be taking me as a replacement because he had left you..
You make me tears once again..
I know you're someone who is good..

What if he still come back one day looking for you..
Will i be seeing my love one going off loving someone again..

I cry, i really cried out loud..
I cry my heart out..
Seeing the people i love going off..

You left another stab in my heart once again..
And another stab it in at a later part..

I'm a liar..
I'm a asshole..
You hate me like hell..
My friends are always important..
I ignored you..
I don't keep my promise..

I don't deserve any love from anyone..
My promises..?
You have not given me time to prove it so how could i..?
At this time how could i..
Only when i had ORD and that's my promise..
But guess what..

You had never trust me all along..
And all because i told you my friend came to my house things became like this..
What if i lie again.. Saying that i'm going to sleep..?
Would this happen..?

I told you, i din bring my phone to camp..
Yes, sorry that's my biggest lie to you..
I did bring my phone and the sim card..
The sim card that carry the number 96156871..
Which is not in service..
Why did i bring it..
Cos there's all my contacts in it..
My family..
My officer..
My ex boyfriend, boyfriend, ex girlfriend, girlfriend & my part time girlfriend..
My friends & baobao number in it..
If i could remember all the number like Guan Yin Ma can remember everything..
Den i don fucking need to carry it..

And you're just comparing myself with spider..
I'm a coward..
If i'm asleep, how could i reply your message..
Why didn't i reply your message and i off my phone..?
Because i wanted to sleep and i off my phone before all your message..
Maybe thats all a lie to you too..

All your message and email..
You told me you would change..
You say, you won't assume anymore..
You won't be demanding anymore..
You will trust me..
Is that all a lie to..
It that what you're repaying it to me for all my lies..?

Sometime telling the truth causes things to happen..
While telling lies it don't.. I just have to cover it..
And that's what i'm doing it..
You told me to be honest with you..
I didn't try, cos i really just want to be honest with you..
So the life cycle started again..

You ask me why it is so hurtful or painful..
Cos you had not put the trust in me..
I'm putting up my promises..
Cos the days are getting nearer..
I had plan for what i'm going to do after that..
Maybe i just had to burn off the plan..
Cause maybe is just another lie..

I really appreciate for every single things you had done for me..
And everytime i tell myself no matter what you will always be by my side..
And yes you really did..
I really felt sorry for all i had done..
And i promise that i won't leave you..
Till now i'm here..
I don't mind your demanding and things on..
Cos no matter what i believed because you care for me and that why all the demanding came..

But why, why must you say all those things..
It is so easy for you to say all those Words that killed..?

Maybe now you could feel how i had felt..
As knowing the truth hurts..
That's what i always had said..

I wanted to tell you, you're not a person who is part in my life..
But you're a person in a part of my heart..
Would this be a lie to you too..?

With my tears blogging right now and right here..
I just wanted to say i'm sorry..
Please don't forgive me for what i had done..
Hate me for what i had did..

Till now, i'm still putting some hope in it..
Thinking something that is impossible..
Yes, is really impossible..
Cos when i saw the message, it tell me so..

Today was rather a slack day..
Nothing to do in camp..
In the morning the sky was weeping so badly..
Making my day moody..
Whole day doing nothing, walking round the whole office..
And randomly took out my phone..
Seeing all the message..
I weep like the heavy downpour in the morning..
It just killed everything in me..

The longer i'm holding on to it..
The longer it is telling me that i had not let go..
I know, one day everyone had to leave..
But why do i received those last few message..
It really tear me apart..

I was beaten down once again..
I bring myself up..
Taking the wrong way it lead me to another painful path..
Maybe i'm just trying to have a replacement..

My shattered dreams and broken heart..
Are mending on the shelf..
I saw you holding hands , standing close to someone else..
Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone..
I gave my best to you , nothing for me to do..
But have one last cry..
One last cry , before I leave it all behind..
I’ve gotta put you out of my mind this time..
Stop living a lie , I guess I’m down to my last cry ..

I shall just hold on to it..
Not worth for me to take the risk again..
As everything had already turn me off..

The picture ahead was a great painted one..
But when it get nearer, you could see every inches of the bad marks..

Awaiting for the love to come..
Rather to give and suffer..

..You Duo Shao Ai Ke Yi Chong La..

Had a very long dreams..



Is as sweet as nothing could compare to..
But after every sweet things it would always turn bad..



Into my dream~~~~



While sleeping, my phone rings..
And you're the one who call me..
You was crying so badly that i couldn't hear what you're saying..
I just kept in silence..
Till you stopped crying..
You told me everything, every single things..
My tears drop..
But being stronger, i told you..
"So now you felt every single pain that i had carried with me.."
"Serve you right for that.."
And i hanged up the phone..

And fall back to sleep..
Not long later, someone knock at my door..
When i open it, i saw mary..
She given me a hug, as she knows that i'm really weak in the inside..
She prepared breakfast for me & we ate together..
She told me things that she had never said before, i tears again..
She hug me real tight, i told her how hard i had been for all this while..
She told me, she's not going to let this happened again..
I tear with a smile..
After which gave mary a goodbye hug & i went out..

Went to meet the same old usual people..
Mac, Andy, Baobao, Terence, Weikang & Silver..
Seeing everyone was with their partner..
And they introduce them to me..
I was feeling happy for them..
Baobao came to tell me "no matter what he will still be by my side"..
And everyone told me too..
Whereby i given them my smile again..
We went to have our dinner..
A really great dinner with everyone..
After that we went to club..
Everyone was dancing with their partner happily..
I was at a corner seeing them so happily..
It's makes my day, the greatest day..
And i went back myself as they are going with their partner..

Went to sleep..
Had a great sleep..
When i woke up, i saw a message from nanda..
Asking me out as she's off on the day..
We went for shopping..
And many more..
Seems like what i had promise had been done on that day..
And she leave first, as she got something on..

So i was alone walking around..
Slowly down my steps..
Looking around everything seems so beautiful..


Is getting late, so decided to head home..
Reached home..
The light was still on..
Mary seems to be waiting for me..
When i stepped in..
I got, got a real tight slap from her..
She seems to found out everything..
She chase me out of the house..
And told me "don't even think of coming back"
I tears so badly..

I took out my phone..
And the first message i send to was baobao..
Asking if he could meet me..
And he reply me "he was having a movie with his partner"
The second message was to Mac..
His reply was "he's having dinner with Andy"
And my third message was to nanda..
And that's the first time i didn't recived her reply..

I went to the rooftop..
Having my cig..
Smoking all by myself..
And i send out the last message to you..
Telling you that i didn't mean to say all those thing & i'm sorry for everything that i had never done for you and this will be my last message..
You reply me asking "where am i"
And i told you i was at the rooftop alone..
You ask me for what i'm there for and call me to wait for you..
I waited..
Till the last cig..
And i jumped off the building..

I could feel that you was there holding me so tightly..
And crying so badly..
The last words i could hear from you was..
" why didn't i wait for you"

The star was up ahead..
I saw it's meaning on it..
Cos i still believed in it..
It was right in my eyes..

I know, i cant do it..
What goes around, come around..
Making it true, is hard for me..

I think, i knows a little too much..
I just don't have to say it out..
What had been done, we know it too well..

Let me assume..
Let my imaginations run wild..

Let me kill whoever step over the line..
It gonna be a pay back time..
Since i had been taking in alot..
Is time to return double the one that i had received..

Right now, right here..
I'm living again in hate..
I'm not going to suffer once like how i did again..
I'm going to let "it" suffer once like how i did..

We shall suffer together like once i did..
I feel your pain & you will feel the double of my pain..

We shall stab each other in the back together..
Regardless good or bad..
Nothing is in my list

There's a time for "love"
There's a time to "hate"
There's a time to "kill"

And at this FUCKING time shall be my turn to "kill"

There's no time for living in peace..
People are just walking around with a knife to killed..

I'm walking into the path to harm and not kill..
You will suffer like how i did..
The sins to repay and you will get back what you deserve..

God bless us with love..
I shall bless you all for the Fuck i had in me..

Don't have to try me..
Everyone will get what they deserve..
There's time to received and there's time to give..

And finally is my turn to give..
What god couldn't give, i will be the one giving..

People is time to received..
The awaiting arms infront of me are ways too many..

The hate that build me up..
The tears that make me stronger..
The devil that is willing to give now..

Not too little..
or
Not too much..

Just enough for what you had done..

Nothing to be surprise of..
Just be bless when you get back what's belong to you..



The Times To Strike..
ShaDow's Loves

The whole world is lying to me..
So can i say that i had live in reality..?

Din manage to have a good sleep last night..
Although i did enjoy myself alot..
At that time my head hurts alot..
When the time i really fall asleep..
I saw two person walking infront of me..
I can't stop them from walking..

You turn back and smile at me..
The other person looks so familiar..
I think that i had seen him before..
Even had talk to before..

But i just couldn't know who was that..
My feeling, my dreams all are telling me..
My doubt is getting heavier & heavier..
And i know that i'm not assuming anymore..

That was all..
And i actually tears in office again..
Listening to the radio..
While it played the song..
It remind me from the start to the end..

After which i called baobao and chat with him on phone..
I ask baobao to find out for me..
(if u had read tis don ever blame him, is all my intention, i'm sorry)
But i didn't got the answer, who was the one..

I was acting so strong so strong that i tears while smoking..
I have to even bear with it when my officers came back..
Acted like nothing had happened..
How painful was that, no one knows..

After camp, went straight home..
Sitting on the floor with a stick of cig..
I cried very badly..
Very badly that i realise that my eyes didn't even shed a single drop of tears..

Till i know then..
It is my heart crying so bitterly..
The feeling was so bad, so bad that i can cried without tears..
How painful it is to cried without tears does anyone knows..

Went to sleep..
Can't even sleep peacefully...
I saw lots of things going on..
But i just can't recall it..

Till i couldn't take it anymore..
I just want to know who..

I just want to take the last blown..
Let the truth attack me one last time..

And i really fell deeply into it..

With all my blessing from my hearts..

After so much, so much of suffering..
Tears overflowing..
I had come out of my mind..
Seeing you happy, Seeing you enjoying..
I'm more then contended..
I don't ask for anymore..
You're happy, so will i..
You're enjoying, so will i too..
Some "things" i know..
But i couldn't confirm..
Maybe i'm just assuming..
But when the time really turn truth..
I don't know will i be able to accept..
I don't want to know too much..
If really it did happened..
Just "KILL" me on the spot..

Turning back, it really hurts alot..
Looking back, it form water in my eyes..
I just can't take that feeling, when it remind me of...


120808

Had fun with nanda & sharon today..
We went a few places..
Like city plaza, bugis and some i not very sure..hurhur..
Had our meal at some hong kong cafe (if i'm not wrong)..
Quite a nice place to eat there..
Food is nice(too bad din take picture for it)

And of cos we took the SINGAPORE FLYER..
Is sounds so outdated..
But i believed some people didn't even take before right..? (so no comments please)

Before that i was abit upset & down..
Seeing things before going out..
And for goodness sick i almost tears in the bus..
Holy shits... ( thanks god i didn't)

But after that going for the Singapore Flyer..
It slowly changes my mood..
Felt excited..(almost like small kids going to jump about)
LOL!!!

Inside the Flyer we took lots of photo..
Some emo shots.. LOL (for goodness sick)
And of cos picture with nanda and sharon too..

At that time how much i wish the Time could stop..
Cos i really forgotten everything in my mind..
30mins is just like 3secs..
Is telling us that no matter what life's still have to go on..
It really lights up my nights..

Thanks nanda & sharon..
Yeah..
So kinky..hurhur..

Once again we sit in silence

After all is said and done
Only emptiness inside us
Baby, look what we’ve become
We can make a million promises
But we still won’t change
It isn’t right to stay together
When you only bring each other PAIN

I don’t wanna cry
Don’t wanna cry
Nothing in the world
Could take us back
To where we used to be
Though I’ve give you my heart and soul
I must find a way of letting go
‘Cause baby, I don’t wanna cry

Too far apart to bridge the distance
But something keeps us hanging on and on
Pretending not to know the difference
Denying what we had is gone
Every moment we’re together
It’s just breaking me down
I know we swore it was forever
But it hurts too much to stay around


All the magic’s gone
There’s just a shadow of a memory
Something just went wrong
We can’t go on make-believing